Nostalgia, selfishness and letting go.

My parents are moving. They've sold the house in the suburbs that I've lived in since I was eight and moving to a two bedroom condo in the city.

I am really happy for them to move to the city. They are both really city people at heart, having grown up in Hong Kong, and the suburbs really don't hold much for them anymore now that my sister and I are gone. The house is too big for them and I don't think they want to have to deal with the upkeep anymore. They'll be living right on the lakefront and will be able to walk a ton of places. Their condo is in one of the most beautiful and famous buildings downtown and they have a wonderful view. Plus, my dad's office is downtown anyway and this will make his life a lot easier since he won't have to take the train everyday to get there.

On the other hand, I am extremely sad that they will be leaving the house in the suburbs. It's an absolutely beautiful house that my parents designed and then had built. They remodeled a big part of it while I was in college, which made it just spectacular. Being in that house always makes me feel comfortable and reminds me of all the great family and friend gatherings that we've had there. There are so many memoried in that house. I guess a big part of it is that even though I will have those memories forever, I'll never be able to set foot in the house where they happened to help remind me of them. I'll be going home to see the house one last time before they close on it and I'll be taking lots and lots of pictures. They offered to sell it to us, but unfortunately, neither one of us really wants to live there and there also aren't really jobs for us in the area. It's especially sad that they sold the house for only a little more than what we bought our new condo for.

In the meantime, my sister is at home taking care of getting rid of all of our stuff. Since my parents announced that they were moving, I have only gone home once to try to get rid of my stuff. She called me today because they are having a garage sale tomorrow and wants to put some of my stuff out there. I feel horrible because I just don't want to deal with it. I'm glad that she's there to deal with it and not me. I know that's bad, but it's the truth. That and the fact that even though the vast majority of the stuff I don't need or have outgrown, but don't really want to part with it either. For example, we have the Barbie ice cream parlor. It could make real ice cream and everything. It was the greatest thing when we were kids, but now we're selling it to someone for some fraction of what my parents paid for it 10 years ago. I only hope that all of the things we are selling will go to kids that really want it and will appreciate it fully.

Admittedly, a lot of the feelings of getting rid of stuff is because I am a pack rat. I think that some of this will help me be able to let go, but it's so hard. That's just the kind of person I am, a collector. It's pathetic, I know. I'm working on it, really. There are so many people in this world that don't have food or clean water, or who grow up in some horrible home environment and here I am crying over having to let go of some piece of frivolous plastic. Ugh.

It really feels like I am letting go of my childhood. Like it all just stayed back with my parents and things were always going to be the same there, while I lived my new adult life here. How do normal people deal with this?

Really, I am well adjusted - I promise.


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